i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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