dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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