I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
