I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
