You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
