If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
