My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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