So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
