I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I supernannyed him into submission
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
