had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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