Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
