You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
