matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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