he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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