There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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