Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
