I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
