Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
