Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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