Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
