Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
