Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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