Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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