We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
