I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
