I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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