I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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