Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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