when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
