i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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