honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
