my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
