So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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