that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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