she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
