You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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