Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
its liver damage thursday
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
