I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
