Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
