I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
