ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
