You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
