Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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