oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
