pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
