I'm so fucking centered right now
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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