you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
