I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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