just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
