Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
