I think I died a long time ago.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
