can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
