So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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