It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
